Bulbo's Journey

Jonah

It simply said .. "Have moved my treasure to a safer place. Oh. by the way, this is what happens to those who try to steal it."\n\nSigned\nThe Blue Dragon.

Title of the upcoming '[[Peter Jackson]]' movie but THAT will not be a patch on this tale ....

Not in this game ... however being as few of the 'thickos' amongst you have complained about 'Rewind' not working correctly I have taken a managerial decision and removed the bloody command from the game ... 'nuff said!! \n\nNow all you 'thickos' have to do is scroll the text up and down the page until you find a 'link' you want and then select that. That way you can make good all the bad choices you are bound to make.\n\nBest tip of all ... smother your waffles in maple syrup, butter and chopped walnuts ... superb!!!!!

A fat, juicy [[Boggit]] encased in spider-web and ready for roasting over an open-fire.

Do NOT go there, do NOT enter there, do NOT even THINK about going in there .... !!!

----\nWhen [[Bulbo]] placed the jar of [[pipeweed]] in the centre of the large oak table, each visitor withdrew a [[small clay pipe]] from out of his [[backpack]], filled it with a good pinch of [[pipeweed]], lit it and settled back contentedly.\n\nFor the next few hours the visitors and [[Bulbo]] swapped tales of derring-do and reflected upon the state of the [[Shyre]], amidst the great billowing clouds of smoke that now filled [[Bulbo]]'s small dwelling, before tapping the last of the glowing embers from the ends of their pipes and returning them to their [[backpack]]s.\n\nThe jar now empty, [[Bulbo]] replaced it on the shelf in the kitchen and reflected that he must remember to refill it next time he went to the store..\n\nThe party of visitors then bid [[Bulbo]] farewell and set off on the latest of their '[[intrepid adventures]]'. \n\n[[Bulbo]] went back to gazing out of the small round window.\n\nPress "[[back|Start]]" to restart your journey ....\n

Slightly ramshackle and delapidated, it had a small sign above the door that read "Welcome" and another just to the left of the door that read "Beware all who [[enter]] here".\n\nAbove the small window hung the remains of yet another sign, however all that was left was a solitary letter 'B' ... "Hmmm," thought [[Bulbo]], "It must be a 'Butchers' or a 'Bakers'."

A bit like the sound [[Slam]]'s belly makes after a hearty serving of '[[brown trout surprise]]'.

At first glance it looked to be a simple metal vest but upon closer inspection [[Bulbo]] realised it was a '[[Myrtle Vest]]' .. one of the most sought after battle accessories there are.\n\n"Bring on the Dragon," smirked [[Bulbo]] to himself.

----\n''ON THE SOUTHERN EDGE OF A SMALL COPPICE OF TREES''\nYet again [[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] leapt into action.\n\nThey raised their small swords above their heads and began hacking at the branches. However as fast as they chopped them down the branches regrew again ....\n\nThey tried again ... \nand again ... \nand again ... \nbut failed to hack their way clear.\n\n[[Torin]], tired of the struggle, sat down and began to sing about 'Lost Battles & Dead Kings' ....\n\nTo the surprise of all the small bulbous eyes started to cry. Then they closed and vanished from view ... the branches quickly withdrew leaving the way clear to [[go north|Go north]] \n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''IN THE ENTRANCE TO THE DRAGON's CAVE''\n[[Bulbo]]stood in the entrance to the Dragon's cave to be met with a choice of way to go. There was a door to the [[left|Go left ]], a door to the [[right|Go right]] and also one [[straight ahead|Go forward ]]. With no idea which way to go next, perhaps he should leave. \n\nHowever just then there was a rather loud '[[rumbling]]' noise and some rocks fell from above and blocked the way out.\n\nA small [[sign]] was pinned to the wall in front of him.\n\n[[Worn ]]\n[[Carried]]\n[[Light match ]]\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]

It looks like the remains of a barbecue after the bones have been stripped of their meat ... slightly charred around the edges and blackened with smoke.

A widow of the [[Shyre]] who had taken more than a passing fancy to [[Bulbo]] .. in fact there had even been whispers of an upcoming betrothal - but not from [[Bulbo]]'s lips.

A fine example of the craftmanship of the little yellow elves who lived in the east, [[GrandAlf]] had always said that it was a very useful item for pressing home his point-of-view and that on one infamous occasion he had even used it to scratch a Dragon behind its ears - the Dragon had been most grateful as the 'itch' had been bothering it for weeks.

----\n''IN THE ENTRANCE TO THE DRAGON's CAVE''\n[[Bulbo]] stood in the entrance to the Dragon's cave to be met with a choice of ways to go. There was a door to the [[left|Go left]], a door to the [[right|Go right]] and also one [[straight ahead|Go forward]]. With no idea which way to go next, perhaps he should [[leave|outside]].\n\nA small [[sign]] was pinned on the wall in front of him.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n[[Light match ]]\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]

Small, square and constructed from stout canvas, it is the constant companion of an 'intrepid adventurer'.

.passage .title { display: none }

----\n''OUTSIDE THE DRAGON's CAVE''\n[[Bulbo]] stood outside the entrance to the Dragon's cave. Paths lead to the [[east|Head east]] and the [[west|Head west]], as well as [[inside|Go in]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]\n

----\n''ON A NORTHERLY PATH''\nThe path continued to the [[North|Go north ]] and ran through a small coppice of [[trees]], their overhanging branches forming a dark canopy over the trail.\n\nAnother '[[well-trodden path]]' headed off to the [[west|Go west]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

It read "When closed, try the 'tradesman's entrance' around the corner".

----\n[[Bulbo]] retreated to the kitchen and then emerged clutching some tankards and a small cask of ale. In a few moments everybody held a foaming tankard of ale in one hand whilst singing away at the top of their voice.\n\nSome sang of 'battles', some of 'kings' but all [[Torin]] sang of was '[[Gold]]'.\n\nAs the ale flowed and the night passed, the noise got louder and louder until [[Bulbo]] thought the walls of his small dwelling would explode with the force of the singing. Eventually the ale took its effect and [[Borin]], [[Snorin]] and [[Glum]] fell asleep in a drunken huddle under the large oak table. [[Torin]] sang himself to sleep (thankfully) and [[GrandAlf]] and [[Bulbo]] were left to exchange small-talk until the early hours of the morning.\n\nAs the sun rose, [[Bulbo]] picked his way around the sleeping bodies, clearing up the debris of last night as he went and then, with all tidy again, he sat down next to [[GrandAlf]] and said "Okay, just what did you come here for in the first place ?"\n\n"We came to ask for your help", said [[GrandAlf]].\n\nBulbos Choices Are ...\n[[Say yes]]\n[[Say no]]\n\n

----\n''HALFWAY ACROSS A BRIDGE''\n[[GrandAlf]] pushed his way to the front, elbowed [[Bulbo]] to one side and grumbled "Guess it is my turn to sort things out."\n\nWith that he lunged into action - first swinging his [[staff]] above his head and then bringing it down hard on the [[Goblin]]'s left foot.\n\n"F*cking 'ell!!" yelped the [[Goblin]], "that hurt."\n\n[[GrandAlf]] did it again, this time smacking the [[Goblin]] on the right foot.\n\n"Jeez, that smarts." yelled the [[Goblin]], hopping about.\n\nWith that [[GrandAlf]] leapt towards the [[Goblin]], grabbed it around the neck and they both disappeared over the edge of the bridge.\n\nIn the confusion [[Bulbo]] and the rest of the elves decided to [[continue|Continue journey]] their journey - [[GrandAlf]] would have to catch up once he and the [[Goblin]] had stopped playing around.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\n[[A Band of Elves ]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]\n\n\n\n\n\n

[[Bulbo]] accepted the very kind offer and for the next 27 minutes found himself engaged in what could only be described as 'an experience not to be missed'.\n\nAs the frying-bacon crisped up nicely [[Bulbo]] rolled over and straightened his clothing, then reaching over he patted the 'female' on the bum before seizing up a rasher (or two) of bacon and heading [[back|Leave cottage]] out the door of the cottage to return to the task in hand.\n

Bulbo's Unexpected Journey

----\n''IN A SMALL CLEARING''\n[[Bulbo]] emerged into a small clearing. In the middle of the clearing lay the remnants of a large camp-fire (still smoking) and around the camp-fire stood three extremely large stone figures.\n\n"Hee, hee!!" laughed [[Bulbo]] "I guess some [[Troll]]s were too busy roasting their breakfast to notice that the sun was rising." \n\nA quick look around revealed nothing of interest so the wise move would be to go [[back|Go opening]] the way he had just come.

----\n''ON THE NORTHERN EDGE OF A SMALL COPPICE OF TREES''\n[[Bulbo]] wandered this way and that along the small twisty path until eventually he arrived on the northern edge of a small coppice of [[trees]]. From here [[Bulbo]] could simply [[head north|Head north ]] along the northerly path and on to '[[Desolate Mountain]]'.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried ]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]\n

Crafted from finely woven strands of '[[Myrtle]]', these vests are much prized amongst those who like '[[intrepid adventures]]' and have been known to withstand even the heat of [[Mrs. Balrog]]'s tongue.

----\n''HALFWAY OVER THE BRIDGE''\n[[Bulbo]] lead the party of [[Elves]] over the [[small bridge]] \n\nHalfway across there was a great noise as a large [[Goblin]] emerged from under the bridge and barred the way north.\n\n"You go no further without crossing my palm with silver" growled the [[Goblin]].\n\n"What do you think you are ?" asked [[Bulbo]], "A bleedin' gypsy fortune-teller."\n\n"Come on, somebody twat the sod!!" yelled [[Borin]]. "Don't just stand there, [[attack|Attack Troll]] the [[Goblin]]."\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''BLOCKED BY A SPIDER's WEB''\n[[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] sprung into action and began hacking at the gigantic web with their short stubby swords.\n\nCut! .. slash! .. slice! went their swords but to no avail the web was strong as metal and their blows just bounced off it.\n\nIn their attempts to cause damage [[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] crept ever closer to the web .. until eventually they got too close and became ensnared in its sticky threads. \n\n[[Bulbo]] was now alone ...\n\nFrom high above, Shezza, the large spider, descended slowly towards him.\n\n [[Bulbo]] stepped back towards the cliff wall and waited for the inevitable.\n\nAs soon as the spider was in range she spewed forth a multitude of web-threads which encapsulated poor old [[Bulbo]]. Once he was fully encased the spider began to drag the neat little '[[Boggit-parcel]]' back to her lair - in time for her supper.\n\n[[Bulbo]]'s 'unexpected journey' had come to a sticky end.\n\nPress "[[back|Start]]" to restart your journey ....\n

----\n''AT THE EDGE OF HELL's GORGE''\n[[Bulbo]] continued on his 'unexpected journey' until he encountered a [[small bridge]] leading over the '[[Hell's Gorge]]'.\n\n"Hmm" thought Bulbo, "I guess I have no option other than to [[cross|Cross bridge ]] the small bridge".\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried ]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

[[Bulbo]] would have loved to but he had no money with him ... his pockets were totally empty.

Strange little trees that looked as thought they might be the long-lost relatives of the trees that grew in the '[[Forbidden Forest]]'.

Spent more time sleeping than he did awake but a fearless warrior when he wasn't snoring his head off.

----\n''IN THE ENTRANCE TO THE DRAGON's CAVE''\n[[Bulbo]] stood in the entrance to the Dragon's cave, to be met with a choice of ways to go. There was a door to the [[left|Go left ]], a door to the [[right|Go right]] and also one [[straight ahead|Go forward]]. With no idea which way to go next, perhaps he should [[leave|outside]].\n\nA small [[sign]] was pinned to the wall in front of him.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n[[Light match ]]\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]

Small and made of white clay, it was currently warm to the touch and full of glowing embers.

----\n''ON THE NORTHERN EDGE OF A SMALL COPPICE OF TREES''\n[[Bulbo]] wandered this way and that along the small twisty path until eventually he arrived on the northern edge of a small coppice of [[trees]]. \n\nFrom here it seemed a simple matter to just [[head north|Head north]] towards '[[Desolate Mountain]]'.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''ON THE NORTHERN EDGE OF A SMALL COPPICE OF TREES''\n[[Bulbo]] was on the northern edge of a small coppice of [[trees]].\n\n"Onwards to the '[[Northern Hills]]'!!" cried [[GrandAlf]], waving his staff aloft. "We just need to [[head north|Head north]] until we reach the Dragon's cave."\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''ON THE SOUTHERN EDGE OF A SMALL COPPICE OF TREES''\nOnce more [[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] leapt into action. \n\nThey raised their small swords above their heads and began hacking at the branches. However as fast as they chopped them down the branches regrew again ....\n\nThey tried again ... \nand again ... \nand again ... \nbut failed to hack their way clear.\n\nMaybe it really was time the party [[admitted defeat|Admit defeat]] and went [[back|Go North]] the way they had just come, or maybe they could just [[try once more|Try once more ]].\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]\n\n

----\n"Help doing what?" enquired [[Bulbo]].\n\n"Stealing some treasure off a Dragon." said [[GrandAlf]]. Just then [[Torin]] woke up and began singing about gold (again!!). [[GrandAlf]] reached over and smacked [[Torin]] over the head with the end of his [[staff]] .... [[Torin]] relapsed back into a deep slumber.\n\n"There is a large Dragon over in the '[[Northern Hills]]' and legend has it that it is sat on a huge pile of treasure." continued [[GrandAlf]]. At this [[Torin]] opened his eyes, then his mouth (in readiness to sing again) but [[GrandAlf]] waved the [[staff]] in his direction once more and [[Torin]] wisely went back to sleep.\n\n"Sounds like a good idea, "chirped [[Bulbo]], "I like going on an unexpected journey, when do we go ?"\n\n"As soon as we have woken up those lazy sods and you have packed yourself a backpack" said [[GrandAlf]].\n\n[[Bulbo]] quickly gathered the necessary bits and pieces, stuffed them in his [[backpack]] and slung that across his shoulder.\n\nAs [[Bulbo]] was not quite sure whether his companions were '[[Dwarves]]' or '[[Elves ]]' he flipped a coin - it came down 'tails'. \n\n"Okay, from now on they will be known as [[Elves ]]", smirked [[Bulbo]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n[[Leave cottage]]\n\n

"Don't suppose you can help?" asked [[Bulbo]] timidly.\n\nThe [[Donkey]] nodded its head and then turning its back towards the door, kicked out with its hind feet. With an almighty 'Craacckk!" the door swung fully open.\n\n"Hmm" thought Bulbo, "Neat way of opening a door. Guess I might as well just go [[in|Go in ]].\n

Large scaly creatures that belch forth flame and smoke.

If you do, it will mean the end of '[[Bulbo's Unexpected Journey]]'. It is your choice .. so make it.\n\n[[Yes]]\n[[No]]

That time of your life when staying warm means putting on two more sweaters and wrapping your toes (individually) in strips of newspaper.\n\nAaaahhh, such are the joys of growing old .....

Leader of the elves, with a long white beard and sharp hooked nose, he was known to his pals as the 'White Wassock'.\n\nAlways carried a [[staff]] when going on '[[intrepid adventures]]'.

"Hya [[Bert]], "smiled [[Bulbo]], "how's it hanging?"\n\n"Okay [[Bulbo]],"said [[Bert]], "never better."\n\n"What do you know about that ugly twisted creature that is always down by the [[bridge]]?" asked [[Bulbo]].\n\n"To be honest, not a lot,"said [[Bert]], "but I have heard it said that it is old Smeegoll. It seems that his obsession with that old gold ring he owns has warped not only his mind but his body as well."\n\n"Thanks [[Bert]], that information might come in useful later,"said [[Bulbo]].\n\n"Now get that f*ckin' Donkey [[out|Go out]] of my pub!!" yelled [[Bert]], "Before it shits on my best carpet - again!!".

----\n''ON A ROCKY NORTHERLY PATH''\nThe now depleted party continued on their journey, passing between some high cliffs and along a rocky ravine. Suddenly their way was blocked by a simply gigantic spider's web which stretched between the two rocky faces of the ravine and upwards as far as the eye could see.\n\n"Best bet would be to [[cut|Cut web]] our way through the web" mumbled [[Snorin]].\n\n"Good idea!!" cried [[Glum]], drawing his small sword out of his belt.\n\n"Lead on!!"" snarled [[Borin]], brandishing his small sword.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\n[[A Band of Elves ]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

To [[Bulbo]] that was having to watch the Orcs trounce the Trolls at 'goblin-bashing' when 'Eastenders' was on the other side .. \n\n[[Mrs. Balrog]] did like her sports though and her word was always final.

----\n''HALFWAY ACROSS THE BRIDGE''\n[[Bulbo]] lead the party of [[Elves]] over the [[small bridge]] \n\nHalfway across there was a great noise as a large [[Goblin]] emerged from under the bridge and barred the way north.\n\n"You go no further without crossing my palm with silver" growled the [[Goblin]].\n\n"What do you think you are ?" asked [[Bulbo]], "A bleedin' gypsy fortune-teller."\n\n"Come on, somebody twat the sod!!" yelled [[Borin]]. "Don't just stand there, [[attack|Attack Troll ]] the Goblin."\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried ]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''AT THE EDGE OF HELL's GORGE''\n[[Bulbo]] continued north on his 'unexpected journey' until he encountered a [[small bridge]] leading over '[[Hell's Gorge]]'.\n\n"Hmm" thought Bulbo, "I guess the only option is to [[cross|Cross bridge]] the small bridge."\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''EDGE OF THE FORBIDDEN FOREST''\n[[Bulbo]] had always believed in the old adage "West is Best", so he set out in the direction of the '[[Forbidden Forest]]'.\n\nHowever just as the forest hove into view he suddenly remembered the meaning of the word '[[forbidden]]' and decided that perhaps it was best if he stayed out of the place.\n\nMeanwhile [[Torin]] broke into yet another verse of his song about '[[Gold]]' ....\n\n"Stuff me," groaned [[Bulbo]], "Does that prat never shut up ?"\n\nOverhead a [[large black bird]] circled ominously .... whilst off to the west could be heard the sounds of battle.\n\n"Were the trees fighting amongst themselves ?" pondered [[Bulbo]], "maybe we should go [[back|Leave cottage]].\n\n"Nope!!" cried [[GrandAlf]], "Faint heart n'er f*cked a pig. Let's head into yon [[forest]]."\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n[[Light match ]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

Normally gold, coins, pearls and diamonds but as far as a [[Boggit]] is concerned anything that can be spent over the counter of the '[[Prancing Ogre]]'.

----\n"No thanks, I am not interested. I am off to see my old pal [[Fuddo]] tomorrow and then we are going fishing down by the old [[bridge]]."\n\nWith that [[Bulbo]] went [[back|Start]] to the kitchen to check on his cakes and gaze out of the small round window.\n\nPress "[[back|Start]]" to restart your journey ....

Just what [[Fuddo]] and [[Slam]] had been trying to catch ... they darted in and out of the reeds of the '[[Black River]]' and were a sumptious meal when grilled with a slice of green-cheese.

"Dragon straight ahead ... be wary of a warm welcome!!"

[[Bulbo]] tried, but the [[door]] was securely locked ... there was a small, tatty note pinned to the door.\n\n[[Read note ]]

The intrepid hero of the '[[Dragon's Lair]]' series of video-games.

Round, small and exceedingly brown (some would even say 'burnt'), these were a local delicacy and much beloved by all.

"Riddle me this, riddle me that, what is the best way to cook a cat?"\n\n[[Bulbo]] scratched his head in puzzlement.\n\n"Go on," said Gullem "ask me [[another|Ask another]].

Stout little creatures with rather large hairy feet and a great love of '[[pipeweed]]'.

----\n''EDGE OF THE BLACK RIVER''\n[[Bulbo]] strode off towards the '[[Black River]]' and was pleasantly surprised to see [[Fuddo]] & [[Slam]] sat on the bank, their fishing-poles in their hands.\n\n"Hya pals, yelled [[Bulbo]] "Caught anything yet ?"\n\n"Not even a bloody cold," answered [[Fuddo]]. \n\n"Something seems to be scaring them away," grunted [[Slam]].\n\n"By the way," said [[Fuddo]], "I wouldn't cross the [[bridge]] today as [[Slam]] and I heard a bunch of those '[[Nozgul]]' ride over it when we were underneath having a pee. If I were you lot I would stay well clear of them tw*ts."\n\nOver on the far bank of the river an [[ugly, twisted creature]] slithered into the bushes carrying a live and still wriggling fish in its mouth.\n\nBulbo wondered whether to heed his pal's advice and go [[back|Leave cottage]] to the safety of the cottage garden or to cross the [[bridge|Cross bridge ]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n[[Light match ]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

They looked to be those of the [[small brown trout]] to [[Bulbo]] but [[Slam]] would have known for sure.

A jovial chap with a ruddy complexion and shock of ginger hair. He was a fountain of information when it came to local gossip and news.

Stout little creatures with rather large hairy feet and a great love of '[[intrepid adventures]]'.\n\nHighly regarded as a '[[tasty-snack]]' by spiders ...

[[Bulbo]] sat down with his back against the wall, took out his small pipe, some [[pipeweed]] and a match and settled back for a contemplative 'puff' or two whilst he figured out which way to head now.\n\nAfter a few moments he decided it would be best to retrace his steps back to just outside the entrance to the Dragon's cave.\n

"Could be rats," thought [[Bulbo]], "or even very small [[Worgs]]."

Bulbo thought about it for a moment - and the smell of the frying-bacon almost swayed his mind - then he said "Thanks kindly for the offer but we have important business to do" and headed [[back|Leave cottage]] out of the cottage door in order to resume his quest.\n\nThe party of Elves followed glumly behind ....

A younger relative of [[Bulbo]] and always to be found in the company of his old pal [[Slam]].

Legend has it that the trees in the forest were like no other trees .. these ones were able to uproot themselves and move to other parts of the forest. More than that, it was rumoured that they could actually 'talk' to each other.\n\nThe forest had long been 'off-limits' to [[Shyre]] folk and strange tales of the weird creatures that inhabited it were often related in the taverns and alehouses of the land.

[[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]], [[Glum]] and [[GrandAlf]]

----\n''ON A NORTHERLY PATH''\nThe path continued to the North and ran through a small coppice of [[trees]], their overhanging branches forming a dark canopy over the trail.\n\nAnother '[[well-trodden path]]' headed off to the west.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n[[Go north ]]\n[[Go west]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''INSIDE THE PRANCING OGRE''\n[[Bulbo]] found himself inside the '[[Prancing Ogre]]' ... to one side stood the [[pool-table|Play pool]], whilst off to the other was the neat little [[skittle-alley|Play skittles]]. Just next to the bar was the [[video-machine|Play video-machine]] - the [[Dragon's Lair]] one that [[Bulbo]] was so fond of.\n\nLeaning on the counter was [[Bert]] the barman.\n\n"Might as well [[talk|Talk to barman]] to Bert" thought Bulbo.\n\n"Or we could just [[leave|Go out]]" moaned Glum.\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]\n\n

----\n''OUTSIDE BULBO's COTTAGE''\nFrom here the [[Shyre]] stretched in all directions, however the main routes were [[West]] along the highway to the '[[Forbidden Forest]]', or even [[North]] along the dusty path to the '[[Northern Hills]]' and [[East]] along the main highway to the '[[Black River]]'.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n[[Light match ]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

Twisted little creatures, green in hue and strong of arm. They laboured in the foothills of the '[[Northern Hills]]' cutting stone to be used in the construction of bridges.

Very probably the very last game that I will write - if you can call this sort of thing 'writing' - hope you enjoyed it.

----\n''AROUND THE SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN''\n[[Bulbo]] wound his way around the mountain-top and eventually found his way blocked by a huge rockfall.\n\nIt seemed a prudent idea to return from whence he had come, as high above him he could hear '[[scrabbling sounds]]'. Now might be a good time to head [[back|outside]] to where he had come from.\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]

----\n''ON A ROCKY NORTHERLY PATH''\nThe now depleted party continued on their journey, passing between some high cliffs and along a rocky ravine. Suddenly their way was blocked by a simply gigantic spider's web which stretched between the two rocky faces of the ravine and upwards as far as the eye could see.\n\n"Best bet would be to [[cut|Cut web ]] our way through the web" mumbled [[Snorin]].\n\n"Good idea!!" cried [[Glum]], drawing his small sword out of his belt.\n\n"Lead on!!"" snarled [[Borin]], brandishing his small sword.\n\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried ]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\n[[A Band of Elves ]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''HALFWAY ACROSS A BRIDGE''\n[[GrandAlf]] pushed his way to the front, elbowed [[Bulbo]] to one side and grumbled "Guess it is my turn to sort things out."\n\nWith that he lunged into action - first swinging his [[staff]] above his head and then bringing it down hard on the [[Goblin]]'s left foot.\n\n"F*cking 'ell!!" yelped the [[Goblin]], "that hurt."\n\n[[GrandAlf]] did it again, this time smacking the [[Goblin]] on the right foot.\n\n"Jeez, that smarts." yelled the [[Goblin]], hopping about.\n\nWith that [[GrandAlf]] leapt towards the [[Goblin]], grabbed it around the neck and they both disappeared over the edge of the bridge.\n\nIn the confusion [[Bulbo]] and the rest of the elves decided to [[continue|Continue journey ]] their journey - [[GrandAlf]] would have to catch up once he and the [[Goblin]] had stopped playing around.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried ]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\n[[A Band of Elves ]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

The surprise (unbeknowns to [[Slam]]) is that there are no brown trout in it.

----\n''ON THE MAIN HIGHWAY''\nBeing a somewhat foolhardy sod, [[Bulbo]] decided to ignore the advice of his pal and lead the party over the bridge and along the highway to the East. However they had barely gone 100 paces when the sound of approaching hooves echoed from the east.\n\n"Quick, "screamed [[Bulbo]], "take cover before they spot us."\n\nWith that the party dived for cover .. [[Borin]], [[Snorin]] and [[Glum]] leapt into a nearby ditch, [[Torin]] climbed a stout oak tree and [[GrandAlf]] simply rolled under a hedge. \n[[Bulbo]] hurled himself behind a huge boulder and crouched down for all he was worth.\n\nThe '[[Nozgul]]' approached the vicinity of the hidden party but when all they could see was one scruffy little donkey, nibbling the thistles at the side of the road, they turned around and headed back up the highway.\n\n[[Bulbo]] heaved a rather large sigh of relief and then he and the [[Elves]] decided it might be safer to head [[back|Leave cottage]] to the safety of the cottage garden.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]\n

A hand-made object consisting of a small bowl at one end and a large shaft at the other. \n\n[[Boggit]]s stuffed '[[pipeweed]]' in the small bowl, lit it with a match and then sucked the smoke through the long shaft ... \n\nSome even said they enjoyed it !!

Bulbo was currently wearing ...\n\n[[A warm woolly vest]]\n[[Some leather leggings]]\n[[A natty neckerchief]]

----\n''IN A SMALL DUSTY ROOM''\n"Come on old pal, things cannot be that bad", whispered [[Bulbo]], drawing closer to the ugly,twisted creature.\n\n"Keeps your distance ..!!", hissed Gullem.\n\n"Maybe I can help ?" suggested [[Bulbo]], hoping to gain the confidence of the ugly, twisted creature.\n\n"You is not having my 'pretty one' !!" yelped Gullem, retreating even further into the corner.\n\n"Okay," said [[Bulbo]], "I will [[leave|Leave]] you in peace, but perhaps some other [[Boggit]] will come to your assistance one day."\n\nIn the dark corner of the room the ugly, twisted creature gazed lovingly at the small gold ring it clutched in its left hand.\n\nJust as [[Bulbo]] was about to [[leave|Leave]], he looked over his shoulder and thought "Perhaps I should [[try once more|Try once more]]before I [[go|Leave]].\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]\n\n

They usually involve '[[Dragons]]', '[[Treasure]]', '[[Trolls]]' and '[[Spiders]]'.

The video-game that devoured most of [[Bulbo]]'s pension money.

Made from solid pinewood and held together with small round-headed brass nails. The lock and the hinges were of polished brass and the knob looked to be finest ebony.\n\nIt looked like the 'other side' of the sort of door that would be the entrance to a treasure rooom .. or so [[Bulbo]] thought but then he never was the brightest button in the box.\n\nThe door was securely locked and the bloody [[Donkey]] was nowhere to be seen ....

[[Bulbo]] was not sure whose idea it was to bring along the scruffy little Donkey but he suspected it might come in useful somewhere.\n\nAcross its back hung two stout canvas [[paniers]].

The domain of the [[Boggit]] and the place where [[Bulbo]] had spent all working life to date - he also hoped to spend the best part of his retirement years there as well.

A bit like 'Elves' but a whole lot 'hairier' and smaller ...\n\n"However they all look the same to me", thought [[Bulbo]]

Another stone-bridge that had been built by the '[[Rock-Goblins]]' that dwelt in the foothills of the '[[Northern Hills]]'.\n\nThough judging by its state of disrepair, it must have been built a long time ago and by the apprentice '[[Rock-Goblins]]'

Singer of songs, lover of gold and a bloody pain in the ass when he combined both his loves into singing about '[[Gold]]'.

The 'Tolkien' of the movie industry .. and producer of some great 'Middle Earth' epics.

by The Rochdale Balrog

Okay then, this journey is now over ......\n\nTHE END\n\nPress "[[back|Start]]" to restart your journey ....

Bulbo was currently wearing ...\n\n[[A small metal vest]]\n[[A warm woolly vest]]\n[[Some leather leggings]]\n[[A natty neckerchief]]

----\n''IN A DARK AND SMELLY CAVE''\nReaching into the backpack, [[Bulbo]] struck a match (because that is what the 'small white sticks' are) on a nearby rock. The match sparked into life and holding it aloft [[Bulbo]] entered the cave.\n\nAided by the light from the match [[Bulbo]] examined the cave and eventually he noticed an ugly, twisted creature huddled in one corner. The creature seemed to be engrossed in talking to something it clutched in its left hand.\n\n"My pretty-one, nobody is going to takes you from me, nobody whatsoever - I promises this on my life." simpered the creature, as it caressed the small gold ring it held lovingly in its left hand.\n\nJust then the creature noticed [[Bulbo]] and in an instant it was gone.\n\n[[Bulbo]] noticed a small [[opening|Go opening]] in the far wall ...\n\nThe match burnt out .. perhaps Bulbo should light [[another|Light another match]] ?\n

Then go [[back|Try again]] and 'Try Once More' ....

A coarse brown mixture, composed of ground '[[bacca]]' leaves and a few cat hairs for good measure. This was smoked in great quantities by [[Shyre]] folk - male and female alike - and beloved by Elves.

The sort of thing you have for your supper ...

----\n''IN A SMALL DUSTY ROOM''\n[[Bulbo]] made one last attempt to talk to his old pal but Gullem merely hurled another rock in his direction and refused to talk to him.\n\n"And take this thing with you, it scratches when I wear it!!" snarled Gullem, hurling a small metal vest in the direction of [[Bulbo]].\n\n[[Bulbo]] bent down and picked up the small metal vest. "You never know," he thought, "it might come in useful." With that, he slipped it over the top of his warm, woolly one.\n\n[[Bulbo]] bowed his head in sorrow and bade farewell to what had once been his friend ... saddened by the sight of the ugly,twisted creature that huddled before him Bulbo had no option but to [[leave|Leave ]].\n\nIn the dark corner of the room the ugly, twisted creature gazed lovingly at the small gold ring it clutched in its left hand and mumbled "My pretty one ...".

----\n''INSIDE BULBO's COTTAGE''\nWith the rain battering against the panes of the small round window, [[Bulbo]] inhaled deeply on the [[small clay pipe]] he clutched in his left hand and sucked the sweet-tasting smoke deep into his lungs. Life was good in the [[Shyre]] and [[Bulbo]] was happy and content - despite the inclement weather and the latest price increase in the cost of ale.\n\nAs the smoke coursed through his lungs [[Bulbo]] felt at ease with the world but all that was just about to change ... as was announced by the rather loud tapping on the [[little round door]], something that [[Bulbo]] was not very happy to hear as he was not that fond of visitors\n\nBulbo's Choices Are ...\n[[Ignore the knocking]]\n[[Enquire who it is]]\n[[Answer the door]]

Love of my life and the one person I never dare argue with ...

A long tract of water that flowed from the foothills of the '[[Northern Hills]]' to the shores of the southern lakes.\n\nThe [[small brown trout]] swam in it in abundance.

----\n''ON A SMALL TWISTY PATH''\n[[Bulbo]] was not sure which way the small twisty path lead, it was too damn twisty to see clearly ....\n\n[[Bulbo]] sat down with his back against a nearby rock, took out his pipe, [[pipeweed]] and matches and settled back for a contemplative 'puff' or two whilst he figured out which way to head now.\n\nJust then he remembered something old Olga had once told him .. "Always [[follow|Follow path]] the path you were intended to travel along."

Basically they were two large canvas sacks linked together with a short length of rope.

[[Bulbo]] would have loved to but he had no money with him ... [[Mrs. Balrog]] had taken his last few coins and squandered them on groceries this very morning.

A small canvas backpack, containing ..\n\n[[A bundle of white sticks]]\n[[Some brown cakes]]\n[[Some pipeweed]]\n[[A small clay pipe]]

Hero of our 'tale' and many others prior to this, he was a stout little [[Boggit]] with a great love of '[[pipeweed]]', '[[foaming ale]]' and '[[small brown cakes]]'.

[[Bulbo]] tried, but the [[door ]] was securely locked ... it appeared that Gullem had locked it from his side.

----\n''ON A NORTHERLY PATH''\n[[Bulbo]] and the band of [[Elves]] strode out towards the '[[Northern Hills]]' and the object of their quest.\n\n[[Torin]] broke into song, [[GrandAlf]] threatened him with his [[staff]] and [[Torin]] stopped singing (for a moment or two), then he started up again.\n\n"There are times when you wish that some [[Trolls]] would come along and pound that little b*stard into the ground," cursed [[GrandAlf]] and the rest of the elves grunted in agreement. [[Bulbo]] just stuck his fingers in his ears and kept walking towards the [[North.]]\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

Ideal for keeping the sun off the back of [[Bulbo]]'s neck. It was bright red with white dots.

Short and stubby, the sword looked to be in good condition and sharp enough to inflict considerable damage upon whoever it was weilded against.

----\n''IN A DARK AND SMELLY CAVE''\n[[Bulbo]] struck yet another match on yet another nearby rock. \n\nThis match also sparked into life and holding it aloft [[Bulbo]], aided by the light from the match, examined the cave yet again.\n\nThere was nothing more of interest to be seen, just the same small [[opening|Go opening ]] in the far wall.

----\n[[Bulbo]] waddled across the floor of his neat little home, carefully stepping over the cat as he went, then seizing the knob in his right hand, carefully opened the [[little round door]].\n\n"Greetings friend," said a portly character stood in the doorway. "Any chance of coming in out of this rain ? Oh, and by the way, those [[small brown cakes]] you are baking smell delicious ."\n\n[[Bulbo]] stepped to one side and the portly character entered, followed by another, then another, yet another and finally one more. [[Bulbo]] scratched his head and wondered just what he had done to deserve this intrusion.\n\nBulbos Choices Are ...\n[[Offer small brown cakes]]\n[[Offer pipeweed]]\n[[Offer ale]]

----\n''OUTSIDE THE DRAGON's CAVE''\nSaddened by the loss of his companions [[Bulbo]] trudged wearily along the dusty path, oblivious to all that was going on around him and even missing the sound of [[Torin]] singing about '[[Gold]]'.\n\n"At least he sounded better than that 'Gazza B' fella that keeps singing in the '[[Prancing Ogre]]' on a Friday night," he thought.\n\nHe wished he could have freed [[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] but the web was too sticky and the fear of becoming entangled himself was too strong for him to attempt such a rescue act. Apart from which he had lost his small sword in the battle with the spider and now had nothing with which to hack them free.\n\n[[Bulbo]] continued to trudge up the foothills of the '[[Northern Hills]]' and pretty soon he found himself outside the entrance to the Dragon's cave. Paths lead off to the [[east|Head east]] and the [[west|Head west]], as well as [[into|Go in]] the Dragon's cave.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]\n

----\n[[Bulbo]] shook his head, took another puff on his pipe and tried to ignore the repetive 'taps' that were coming from the direction of the small round door. The 'taps' got louder and the door began to quiver quite visibly.\n\n[[Bulbo]] drew deep on his pipe, blew the smoke into a multitude of smoke-rings and tried his best to ignore the tapping. Eventually the 'taps' stopped, only to be replaced by a series of 'thuds' as somebody (or something) appeared to start kicking the [[little round door]].\n\n"Ruin my paintwork and you will have me to answer to", thought [[Bulbo]].\n\nEventually all went quiet and faint footsteps could be heard plodding down the garden-path .. \n\n"With luck, that is the last I will see of them", sighed [[Bulbo]] going back to looking out the window.\n\nPress "[[back|Start]]" to restart your journey ....

[[Bulbo]] sat down with his back against a nearby rock, took out his small pipe, some [[pipeweed]] and a match and settled back for a contemplative 'puff' or two whilst he figured out which way to head now.\n\n[[Torin]] sat down as well and began to sing about '[[Gold]]'.\n\n"No time for that," yelled [[GrandAlf]], "We need to head north to the '[[Northern Hills]]' and the treasure"

On the other hand they can be 'Bacon wrapped around a banger'.

The denizens of the underworld, these riders were known to some folk as '[[Devil-riders]]' and to others as '[[Pigs-on-horseback]]'.\n\nThey were fearsome warriors and few of those who had crossed them in battle had ever lived to tell the tale.

Made from solid pinewood and held together with small round-headed brass nails. The lock and the hinges were of polished brass and the knob looked to be finest ebony.\n\nJust the sort of door that would lead to a treasure rooom .. or so [[Bulbo]] thought but then he never was the sharpest knife in the box.

[[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]].

Just like '[[Dwarves]]' only not as hairy and quite a bit taller ...\n\n"However they all look the same to me", thought [[Bulbo]]

----\n''ON A SMALL TWISTY PATH''\n[[Bulbo]] found himself on a small twisty [[path]]. \n\n[[Bulbo]] could see a small clearing just through some bushes to the [[east]]. \n\nOff in the distance [[Bulbo]] could hear [[Torin]] singing about '[[Gold]]'and being as how the path 'seemed' to wend its way in that direction [[Bulbo]] thought it might be a wise move to [[follow|Follow path]] the sound.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]

----\n''OUTSIDE AN ENTRANCE TO A CAVE''\n[[Bulbo]] stood just outside a small cave entrance. There were a few old [[fish-heads]] littered around the entrance and a smell of decay hung in the air. The stench was so strong that [[Bulbo]] wondered about going [[back|North]] the way he had just come or maybe he could [[go|Go Cave]] into the [[dark|Light match]] cave.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]\n\n\n

----\n''IN A SMALL DUSTY ROOM''\n[[Bulbo]] was stood in a small, dusty room. In the middle of the room a blackened [[skeleton]] lay on the floor next to a small [[note|Read note]] and there was a [[wooden door]] in the far wall.\n\nDisappointed at not finding any '[[Treasure]]' in this room [[Bulbo]] decided to head [[back|outside]] to the entrance to the Dragon's cave.

Which by now was slightly bow-legged from carrying all the treasure that [[Bulbo]] and [[GrandAlf]] had stuffed into the paniers on its back.\n\nThe thought of a warm bed of straw and a good feed of bran-mash was about all that was keeping it going.

----\n''OUTSIDE THE PRANCING OGRE''\nBulbo found himself standing outside the '[[Prancing Ogre]]'.\n\n"Hey!!" yelled [[Torin]], "Let's go [[in|Go in ]], they might have karaoke."\n\n"Or we could just go [[back|Go North]] the way we came", said [[Glum]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

A strange yellow metal, much beloved by men and elves alike. It seemed to feature strongly in just about every song that [[Torin]] ever sung.

----\n''IN THE TREASURE ROOM''\n[[Bulbo]] reached out and plucked [[GrandAlf]]'s [[staff]] out of the air, then with a mighty leap (considering how short his legs are) sprung on to the back of the [[Blue Dragon]] and began battering it about the head with the blunt end of the [[staff]].\n\n"Clunk!!", "Smack!!", "Biff!!", "Bop!!", "Bang!!" went [[Bulbo]] and eventually the [[Blue Dragon]] whimpered "That's enough, take the stuffin' treasure I don't want it anyway."\n\n[[Bulbo]] and [[GrandAlf]] filled their pockets, their backpacks, the paniers across the back of the small [[Donkey]] and anything that could hold a gem or two, with the [[Blue Dragon]]'s treasure. Then the trio headed south.\n\nWhen they reached the rockfall that was blocking the way out [[GrandAlf]] tapped the [[Donkey]] on the arse with his staff and said "Okay, do your stuff." The [[Donkey]] waddled forward, turned around and booted the fallen rocks out of the way.\n\n"I always knew that small donkey was following us for a reason." smirked [[Bulbo]].\n\nThen with a hearty "Up yours!!" in the direction of the [[Blue Dragon]] they headed off out the exit and back to the [[Shyre]].\n\nOn the way back they spent an hour or two disentangling [[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] from the spider's web and eventually the entire party (including the [[small donkey]]) returned to the safety of [[Bulbo]]'s small cottage in the [[Shyre]].\n\n"First drinks are on you tonight down at the '[[Prancing Ogre]]'" smirked [[GrandAlf]] in the direction of [[Bulbo]].\n\n [[Torin]] sat down to sing about the success of '[[Bulbo's Unexpected Journey]]', which was a nice change from him singing about that damn '[[Gold]]'.\n\nTHE END\n\n

----\n''IN THE TREASURE ROOM''\n[[Bulbo]] was stood in the 'treasure room' of the [[Blue Dragon]]'s cave. In front of him was an enormous pile of treasure and atop the pile was sat a huge '[[Blue Dragon]]' ....\n\nThe [[Blue Dragon]] looked down and emitted a huge fireball in the direction of [[Bulbo]]. Seeing it coming [[Bulbo]] leapt to the left and the fireball hurtled past him.\n\nSo the [[Blue Dragon]] emitted another fireball in his direction.\n\n[[Bulbo]] leapt quickly to the right to avoid this one but the [[Blue Dragon]] had anticipated this and the fireball struck [[Bulbo]] squarely in the centre of his chest ...\n\nFor a moment nothing could be seen bar smoke and then as the last wisps drifted upwards the [[Blue Dragon]] looked down to see [[Bulbo]] grinning back at him ... "This '[[Myrtle Vest]]' is a little belter!!" cried [[Bulbo]], "Fits like a glove and highly effective at stopping fireballs!!".\n\nJust then [[GrandAlf]] burst into the room ... "Sorry I'm late, but that damn [[Troll]] was a little sod to kill. Here cop hold of this and batter the soddin' [[Blue Dragon]] before it fuels up again." With that he chucked his [[staff]] in the direction of [[Bulbo]], who waited patiently with hands outstretched.\n\n"Don't just stand there [[attack|Attack Dragon]] the damn thing and give it a good [[twatting]]!!" screamed [[GrandAlf]].\n

----\n"Who is it ?" yelled [[Bulbo]], reluctant to have his peaceful afternoon interrupted by any intruders.\n\nThere was a muffled 'mumble' from the other side of the door but [[Bulbo]] was unable to make out what was said.\n\n[[Bulbo]] peered through the tiny 'spyhole' he had carved in the [[little round door]] for just such eventualities and spying a group of small hairy creatures standing on his garden-path, he yelled "Sod off, I don't give to charity and I don't need my gutters cleaning either !!!"\n\nThe sound of fading footsteps was heard as the 'visitors' trudged down the garden-path.\n\n[[Bulbo]] returned to the kitchen to check on the [[small brown cakes]] that were baking in his oven and to the peace and serenity of gazing out the small round window.\n\nPress "[[back|Start]]" to restart your journey ....

[[Bulbo]] would have loved to but he had no money with him ... he had spent this week's pension.

----\n''BLOCKED BY A SPIDER's WEB''\n[[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] sprung into action and began hacking at the gigantic web with their short stubby swords.\n\nCut! .. slash! .. slice! went their swords but to no avail the web was strong as metal and their blows just bounced off it.\n\nIn their attempts to cause damage [[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] crept ever closer to the web .. until eventually they went too close and became ensnared in its sticky threads. \n\n[[Bulbo]] was now alone ...\n\nFrom high above, Shezza, the large spider, began to descend towards him, her eyes glinting in the sunlight.\n\n[[Bulbo]] raised his [[small sword]] .. stood his ground and awaited her arrival ... \n\nAs she approached, [[Bulbo]] feigned death and slumped to the floor. The spider intrigued by this, moved ever closer and at that precise moment [[Bulbo]] struck ... he drove his [[small sword]] deep into the heart of the creature and as the black blood trickled down the handle he twisted the sword this way and that.\n\nThe spider slumped to the ground ... dead!!! The way to the [[north|Go north ]] was now clear.\n\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]\n\n\n\n\n

The teller of long pointless tales about nothing of importance.

[[Bulbo]] glanced in that direction but all he could see was the retreating bare arse of the ugly, twisted creature and not even he could identify anybody from that sort of view.

Cousin to [[Bulbo]] and a member of the 'Sadsack' side of the [[Boggit]] family.

The predators of the '[[Northern Hills]]' .. part pig, part dog and part hedgehog - a truly lethal combination.

Miserable, ugly fat sods that like roasting things and eating them. \n\nHave a slight problem with 'sunlight' ... it turns them to stone!!\n\n

A small stone-built bridge that crossed the '[[Black River]]' from the west to the east and over which the main highway crossed the [[Shyre]]. \n\nIt had been built by the '[[Rock-Goblins]]' that dwelt in the foothills of the '[[Northern Hills]]'.

Home of a mighty [[Dragon|Dragons]] and a mountainous stash of '[[Gold]]' that was hidden there .. or at least that is what 'local gossip' would have had [[Bulbo]] believe ... 'local gossip' being what [[Bulbo]] commonly referred to as the '[[Elves]]'.\n\n"Onwards to the mountain !!" cried [[GrandAlf]], waving his staff aloft.

According to the sign above the door, this was the 'Tradesman's Entrance'.\n\nIt looks like somebody had tried to force their way in ... unsuccesfully.

----\n''INSIDE THE CAVE''\n[[Bulbo]] stepped slowly (and alone) into the cave but it was in complete darkness. He fumbled about for a bit and then stepped on something soft and slimy ...\n\n"Hoi fatso, mind where you are putting them big hairy feet, that was my leg you stood on!!" cried a voice in the darkness.\n\n[[Bulbo]] stepped [[back|Go East]] and decided to leave the darkness of the cave for the bright sunlight of the outside world.\n\nJust before leaving he noticed a small [[opening|Go opening]] in the far wall.

----\n''ON A NORTHERLY PATH''\nJust here there was a junction in the path. One way lead to the [[north|Go North]] and a small [[dusty path]] wandered off to the [[east|Go East]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''AT THE TRADESMAN's ENTRANCE''\n[[Bulbo]] wound his way around the mountain-top and eventually found himself in front of a '[[slightly-open door]]'. \n\n"Might as well see if I can [[enter|Enter]]," thought Bulbo.\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]

Yep, that's me alright ... the infamous 'Rochdale Balrog'. \n\nOwner of 'Zenobi Software' and the 'writer' of such epics as ..\n\n'Retarded Creatures & Caverns'\n'Bulbo & The Lizard-King'\n'The Balrog & The Cat'\n'An Everyday Tale Of A Seeker Of Gold'\n'The Secret of Little Hodcombe'\n'From Out Of A Dark Night Sky'\n and\n'Behind Closed Doors 1, 2, 3, 4 (partly), 5 and 6'\n\nTo check out the last two on the list go to ..\n\nbcd5.blogspot.co.uk\nbcd6.blogspot.co.uk\n\nFor general info go to ..\n\nzenobi.co.uk\n\nOh, and before I forget .. "Life is full of many problems, this game only has a couple - so guess which is simpler ?" You don't need any '[[help]]' do you ?

----\n''IN A DARK AND SMELLY CAVE''\nReaching into the backpack, [[Bulbo]] struck another match on another nearby rock. The match sparked into life and holding it aloft [[Bulbo]], aided by the light from the match, examined the cave again.\n\n[[Bulbo]] could see a [[small sword]] lying on the floor of the cave right next to a small [[opening|Go opening ]] in the wall. \n\n[[Bulbo]] picked up the sword ....\n\nJust then the match burnt out .. perhaps Bulbo should [[light|Light another match ]] another one ?\n\n

----\n''IN THE TREASURE ROOM''\n[[Bulbo]] was stood in the 'treasure room' of the [[Blue Dragon]]'s cave. In front of him was an enormous pile of treasure and atop the pile was sat a huge '[[Blue Dragon]]' \n\nThe [[Blue Dragon]] looked down and emitted a huge fireball in the direction of [[Bulbo]]. \n\nSeeing it coming [[Bulbo]] leapt to the left and the fireball shot past him. \n\nThe [[Blue Dragon]] then emitted another fireball in his direction. [[Bulbo]] leapt quickly to the right to avoid this one but the [[Blue Dragon]] had anticipated this and the fireball struck [[Bulbo]] squarely in the centre of his chest ...\n\nFor a few moments nothing could be seen but smoke and then as the last wisps drifted upwards the [[Blue Dragon]] looked down to see a small pile of ashes where [[Bulbo]] had once stood.\n\nIn the immortal words of '[[Dirk the Daring]]' .. "Game Over".\n\n[[Bulbo]]'s 'unexpected journey' was at an end ..... \n\nPress [[back|Start]] to restart your journey ....\n\n

A technical term used by [[Boggit]]s .. it refers to beating the crap out of something.

Small, round and painted a nice shade of green. It served to keep out the weather and unwelcome visitors.

A strange plant that grows in the south of the [[Shyre]] and cultivated in vast quantities by the the little brown [[Boggits]] that dwell there.

Short and stubby, the sword looked to be in good condition and sharp enough to inflict considerable damage upon whoever it was weilded against.

Stout leather leggings, great for protecting the legs against thorns and thistles.\n\nHeld in place by a fine strand of rope ... that served as a 'washing line' on Tuesday mornings.

Served in tankards and sold over the counter of the '[[Prancing Ogre]]', it was the favourite tipple of most of those who lived in the '[[Shyre]]'

----\n''DEEP IN THE FORBIDDEN FOREST''\nWith [[GrandAlf]] leading the way the party headed deep into the forest, wending their way between the trees and along muddy little paths until they found themselves standing outside a small [[cottage]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

Great lumbering creatures that cause more damage than good. The only way to deal with them is to either stay out of their way or else give them a bloody good '[[twatting]]' with a large stick.

A greenish, wizened little creature that hated everything and everybody. Normally to be found in dark places and under bridges .. or at least they are in this tale.\n\nApart from which this is a 'budget' production and a bloody [[Goblin]] is the best I can afford. My pension would not stretch as far as a '[[Troll]]' or a '[[Balrog]]'.

By the looks of it, countless feet have tramped along it over countless years ... it must go somewhere important.

Basically a very deep rift in the land's surface, though legend has it that it is so deep that it leads to the very depths of '[[Hell]]' itself.\n\n[[Bulbo]] peered over the edge but could not see the bottom, however a strong smell of sulphur floated up to his nose.

A small canvas backpack, containing ..\n\n[[A bundle of white sticks]]\n[[Some brown cakes]]\n[[Some pipeweed]]\n[[A small clay pipe]]

They looked to have been made by somebody (or something) that had been wading in the '[[Black River]]'.

In my part of the world these are 'Prunes on a Sausage' .. mmmm!!

[[Bulbo]]'s favourite 'watering-hole' and the place where most of his pension-money ends up being spent.\n\nThe landlord of the 'Ogre' sells a fine tankard of foaming-ale and his 'warg-scratchings' are amongst the tastiest in the [[Shyre]].\n\nNot only that, they have a great pool-table an excellent skittle-alley and a '[[Dragon's Lair]]' video-machine. \n\nWhat better place to while away your '[[retirement years]]' ....

Small wooden sticks with a dollop of combustible matter on one end of them ...

"Riddle me this, riddle me that, where is '[[GrandAlf]]' ? Just answer me that."\n\n[[Bulbo]] didn't know the answer to that one either so decided that perhaps it would be wiser just to [[talk|Talk to Gullem]] to Gullem instead.

----\n''AT THE TRADESMAN's ENTRANCE''\n[[Bulbo]] tried to enter but the gap was not wide enough for his ample little body.\n\n[[Bulbo]] pushed at the '[[slightly-open door]]' for all he was worth but was unable to open it any further.\n\n[[Bulbo]] looked his lone companion and against his better judgement decided that he would [[ask|Talk to Donkey]] it for help.\n\nAlso here was ..\na small [[Donkey]]

Though basically 'dry and dusty' there were some wet [[footprints]] leading to the east.

Knitted by [[Olga Gumjob]] and given to [[Bulbo]] on his recent birthday, the warm woolly vest served two functions .. it kept out the cold and kept in the warmth. Something that was very useful when on '[[an unexpected journey]]'.

Blue, scaly, ferocious and very, very large (in fact some would say 'f*cking enormous'), however like all creatures [[Bulbo]] reckoned it was not averse to a good 'tickle' behind the ears - not that he was about to test his theory!!\n\nThe Dragon reminded [[Bulbo]] of the video-game he often played in the '[[Prancing Ogre]]' .. the assistance of old '[[Dirk the Daring]]' would have come in useful here.

A very rare and precious metal only to be found in the depths of the '[[Forbidden Forest]]' .. and only then beneath the roots of one particular tree.

So called because they were hills that lay far to the north .. simple, no?

Black of plumage, with strong yellow talons and a sharp, hooked beak.\n\nIt seemed to be guarding the entrance to the '[[Forbidden Forest]]'.

A small canvas backpack, containing ..\n\n[[A bundle of white sticks]]\n[[Some brown cakes]]\n[[Some pipeweed]]\n[[A small clay pipe]]\n[[A small sword]]

----\n[[Bulbo]] returned from the kitchen bearing a large silver platter piled high with [[small brown cakes]] ... upon seeing them, the visitors delved into the pile and began devouring the cakes faster than the eye could behold.\n\n"Nice to see that my cooking efforts are appreciated," grumbled [[Bulbo]], as the last of the [[small brown cakes]] vanished from sight.\n\nFull of [[small brown cakes]], the visitors fell asleep and dreamt of 'adventures', 'Battles', 'Kings' and '[[Gold]]' ... [[Torin]] even sang about the latter in his sleep!!\n\nIn the morning [[Bulbo]] threw out the last of the stale crumbs, polished the silver platter and bid goodbye to the party of visitors. Then he waddled [[back|Start]] to the small round window to the gaze out on the [[Shyre]].\n\nPress "[[back|Start]]" to restart your journey ....

Constant companion to [[Fuddo]], he was what could only be described as 'slow' in his thinking but he knew everything there was to know about the [[small brown trout]].

Evil, multi-legged creatures that spin webs, trap unsuspecting travellers and generally make a nuisance of themselves wherever they go.

----\n''INSIDE THE SMALL COTTAGE''\nThere was a lovely aroma of frying-bacon hanging in the air and over by the fire stood what could be loosely described as a 'female'. Though [[Bulbo]] was not quite sure of which species it was the 'female'.\n\n"Greetings travellers, let's f*ck whilst bacon fries," grunted the 'female'.\n\n"Me first," yelped [[Glum]], rubbing the groin area of his pants.\n\n"Sod off 'pencil-dick' what she needs is a real Elf" smirked [[Borin]].\n\n"I'll go third," mumbled [[Snorin]]. "In the meantime I will just have a quick kip by the fire."\n\n[[Torin]] sat down and began to sing about [[Gold]].\n\n"Fuck me," moaned [[GrandAlf]] sticking his hands over his ears.\n\n"Hey 'bearded-twat' I asked first, so get in line" snarled the 'female'.\n\n"The bacon smells nice" thought [[Bulbo]], but was unsure whether to [[accept|Accept Offer]] or [[decline|Decline Offer]] the offer.\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''OUTSIDE THE PRANCING OGRE''\n[[Bulbo]] found himself standing outside the '[[Prancing Ogre]]'.\n\n"Hey!!" yelled [[Torin]], "Let's go [[in|Go in ]], they might have karaoke."\n\n"Or we could just go [[back|Go North]] the way we came", said [[Glum]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA Band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

----\n''IN A SMALL DUSTY ROOM''\n[[Bulbo]] entered a small dusty room, in one corner sat an ugly twisted creature fondling a small gold ring it held in its left hand.\n\n"T'is mine that's what it is. Mine and mine alone .. my 'pretty one' belong only to me!!" spat the ugly, twisted creature.\n\n[[Bulbo]] looked at it and a long forgotten memory floated into his mind. "Smeegoll, is that you ?" asked [[Bulbo]].\n\n"Smeegoll, Smeegoll, who the f*ck is Smeegoll ??" snapped the ugly, twisted creature.\n\n"He was once a friend of mine," said [[Bulbo]]. "We used to go fishing together."\n\n"Me not have friends, friends not like me !!"growled the ugly, twisted creature. "My name is Gullem and nobody is friends with Gullem. They all hates Gullem, they kick and they punch Gullem. They are after my 'pretty one' but nobody shall have it. All they do is [[ask me riddles|Ask riddle]]."\n\nWith that the ugly, twisted one picked up a rock and hurled it at [[Bulbo]]. "Get away from Gullem, go away, go back to where you came from, [[leave|Leave]] now!!"\n\nAlso here was ...\na small [[Donkey]]\n\n

Round, small and exceedingly brown (some would even say 'burnt'), these were a local delicacy and much beloved by all.

----\n''ON THE SOUTHERN EDGE OF A SMALL COPPICE OF TREES''\nAs the party approached the small coppice of [[trees]], the [[trees]] lowered their branches and formed an almost impenetrable barrier. From high above in the uppermost branches dozens of small bulbous eyes peered down expectantly.\n\n[[Borin]], [[Snorin]], [[Torin]] and [[Glum]] leapt into action - they raised their small swords above their heads and began hacking at the branches. However as fast as they chopped them down the branches grew back again ....\n\nThey tried again ... \nand again ... \nand again ... \nbut failed to hack their way clear.\n\nPerhaps it would be better if they all went [[back|Go North]] the way they had just come, or maybe they could just [[try again|Try again]].\n\n[[Worn]]\n[[Carried]]\n\nAlso here were ...\n\nA band of [[Elves]]\nand a small [[Donkey]]

At first glance it looked to be a small metal vest but on closer inspection Bulbo realised it was a 'Myrtle Vest' .. a much prized and sought after battle accessory, albeit a bit 'scratchy' when worn next to delicate, bare skin.

Thursday 3 January 2013